Regulars table & Café | | | | | 
CB | Hi, people!
 Why into cellar laugh weg - on into Lachecke!
this thread should simply all, this straight necessary having, The Possibility give, courageous laugh to. the life is often hard enough!
selected rege holding - but remaining to Possibility at Topic around whom PC - there Gibts eh enough material...
the Today Spezialthema: The PC on the job
plenty Fun,
Christian |
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CB | yet what good, this time one englisches poem:
COMPUTER TECHNICAL TRAINING MANUAL
by Dr. Seuss
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk miscarriage,
then the socket packet pocket has on error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted, cause the index doesnt hash,
then your situations hopeless, and your systems gonna crash!
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
thats repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and then go out with a bang,
cause as sure as in the a poet, this dammned suckers gonna slope!
When the copy of your floppys getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause you unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash your memory and youll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer, and be sure to tell your MOM!
Sincerely,
Christian |
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CB | Hello!
HAllo!!
HALlo!!!
HALLo!!!
HALLO!!!!
love people!
the kanns still not really give, that none of you what Lustiges on seinem PC has, the hither fit. I wants not the only his - MITMACHEN!
[quote:7ed0dc7401]1998: something New of Bill Gates:
with of/ one Computermesse recently (on the Comdex) has Bill Gates The Computerindustrie with the automotive industry compared and the following Statement made:
„Wenn General Motors (GM) with the Technologie so mitgehalten had as Computerindustrie, then would we today any 25-dollars-Autos rad, The 1000 miles per gallon Sprit rad would.
as response hereon published General Motors (of Mr. Welch self) a Presseerklärung with folgendem Content:
„Wenn General Motors a Technologie How Microsoft develops had, then would we today any Autos with subesquent properties rad:
1. your car had without erkennbaren reason twice on the day a accident.
2. Jedesmal, if The lines on the street new drawn go, should one one new car buy.
3. occasionally would one car without erkennbaren reason on the highway suddenly absterben and one would the simply to accept, restart and weiterfahren.
4. If one defined Manöver durchführt, How z.B. a Linkskurve, would the motor simply absterben and itself refusing, new to start. one should then whom motor anew install.
5. one can only on my own in the car sit, unless, one buy „Car95 or „CarNT. but then should one each seat particular pay for.
6. macintosh would Autos produce, The with Sonnenenergie rad, reliably walk, fünfmal so quick and twice so slight To rad are, but tappt im dunkeln walk only on 5% the Straßen.
7. The Ölkontrolleuchte, The Warnlampen for temperature and battery would by a Genereller car-Error Warnlampe supplant.
8. new sit would require, that any dieselbe Gesäßgröße having.
9. the Airbag-system would ask „Sind tappt im dunkeln sure?, before it auslöst.
10. occasionally would the car tappt im dunkeln without each erkennbaren reason shut out. you can only again one ploy open, and of course should one at the same time whom Türgriff wander, whom Key turn and of/ one hand on The Radioantenne grasp.
11. General Motors would tappt im dunkeln force, with each car a, de-luxe Kartensatz the firm edge McNally (since neuestem a GM daughter) mitzukaufen, even if tappt im dunkeln this Kartensatz not need or would. If tappt im dunkeln these option not discern, would the car immediate 50% slow down (or worse) - moreover would GM therefore one target of Untersuchungen the Justiz.
12. always then, if one new car of GM pictured go would, müßten any motorists the Autofahren new erlernen, because none the Bedienhebel very so functions would, How into middle-aged Autos.
13. one should whom „Start“-button pressing, around the motor auszuschalten.[/quote:7ed0dc7401]
Greeting, Christian |
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CB | One dialog about Künstliche intelligence:
computer: Beep. hotel international, good day. Womit can I them serve?
Anrufer: Yes, äm, I wished know, whether tappt im dunkeln one double room with bath having.
computer: Beep. Yes, we've 120 double room with bath.
Anrufer: what, any spare?
computer: Beep. After disengaged Zimmern having tappt im dunkeln not demand.
Anrufer: means, wieviele having tappt im dunkeln spare?
computer: Beep. today having we nothing spare.
Anrufer: I come indeed first übermorgen, only a night.
computer: Beep. I see. Day after tomorrow having we yet five spare. tappt im dunkeln would one this delightful, preiswerten rooms, haven't we? Please spell tappt im dunkeln Your names.
Anrufer: Em. Ü. El. El. E. it.
computer: Beep. thanks, mr Emü el Eller. I confirm your booking: one ruhiges double room with bath. Day after tomorrow for a night, to that Price of 120 €. when Please come tappt im dunkeln on?
Anrufer: the white I do not ... where is because my Flugschein?...
computer: Beep. the white The Flugauskunft, I conjoin, beep.
computer: Honk! Flugauskunft, good day.
Anrufer: ... alas Yes, here. flight LH 4523, when comes the?
computer: Honk! flight El Al 4523 isn't in the File.
Anrufer: not El Al, El Ha, El Haaaaaaa, Haaaaarghhh!
computer: Beep. Zentralrechner Bundesgesundheitsamt. you've behandlungsdürftige Erkältungssymptome. to further diagnosis say tappt im dunkeln Please aahh.
Anrufer: Aaaa? be I because bescheuert? I wanted to one rooms buchen and none doctor. Oh, had I still mere yet a good middle-aged Apple!
computer: Beep.
Anrufer: Hello, are tappt im dunkeln yet there?
computer: Zoing! Zentrallager. Entschuldigen tappt im dunkeln The Verzögerung. I have a Apple, Baujahr 1976 in the Used Comp Shop, Castrop-Rauxel, to a Price of 1800 €. would like tappt im dunkeln it having?
Anrufer: No. Verpiß you and vergiß it!
computer: Zoing! your Benutzercode allows no Löschung of Zentrallagerdaten.
Anrufer: i will one rooms, You Depp, You blöder!
computer: Zoing! String Recognition Error at Susra$(damischer$Aswi44s): Syntax Check at 200DE Rec83749: Error Recovery in Progress. Zoing. Please wait.
Anrufer: Herrje, disappear. i will back to that others computer.
computer: Diinngg. Zentralrechner Bundesgesundheitsamt. to judgement, whether tappt im dunkeln bescheuert are, some ask To their state of health. given it former Problems?
Anrufer: You verdammter $&#. You can me time, You blöder #$&%@.
computer: Beep, deference, here speaks the Polizeirechner. them becomes a offence to Paragraph 1523 StPO, insult zentraler Intelligenzsysteme, to Last laid. your personnel-Chipkarte becomes eingezogen. I point tappt im dunkeln on your Aussageverweigerungsrecht there. you can moreover a computer the Rechtsanwaltverbandes consult.
Anrufer: röchel...
**********************************************
Anrufer: since I The windows98-Beta installs have, crashes Office 97 ongoing ex.
hotline: we'd here the same trouble.
Anrufer: and what having tappt im dunkeln made?
hotline: we've The Beta one second time installs.
Anrufer: well, then try I the now too.
an hour later...
Anrufer: now runs by me quite nothing more!
hotline: with us neither...
**********************************************
Computerkunde: I Search another spannendes graphic-Adventure, the me so correctly. claims:
vendors: having tappt im dunkeln it already time with WINDOWS XP probiert?...
********************************************** |
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CB |
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CB |
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CB | here a information over a innovation in the EDV ours firm :
love colleagues,
since beginning the month's has one new colleague The work in ours EDV adopted. mr Mahatma Fahtal Errors, one Computerspezialist from india, has its work already successful adopted.
herewith settle we tappt im dunkeln over Neuerungen in Kenntnis:
new computer go künftig with the Label indians Inside slip and the Betriebssystem Hindus 2000 delivered, with the in lieu of of/ one Sanduhr one animierter guru attend becomes. The new computer go with the of Herrn Error developed Mother-Theresa-board ausgerüstet.
Desweiteren becomes on all Rechnern the yet genutzte Office-pkg through Kaste 98 supplant.
in this Zuge would we tappt im dunkeln requests, your keyboard against a without Q To swap, there Q in india as holy counts and the new Softwarelandschaft größtenteils unerklärlich interprets becomes.
The previous MS wastebasket becomes through nirvana supplant, the task manager through Maharadscha and the Desktop through taj Mahal abgelöst.
at that Überprüfen yours Festplatte go tappt im dunkeln check, that the Pausenprogramm Moorhuhnjagd deleted and through Flying Curry-Chicken supplant watts.
for the ambulation in that Indernet dispense we prospective on Explorer and Netscape and go Himalaya 3.7 install, the additional with some
inderaktiven Applications, How Kamasutra 69 , ausgerüstet is.
at that Open this programs appear one point on the forehead their PC.
in the running the next months go we The Oracle-data base by a Delhi-data base supplant.
following software becomes new installs:
Grafikprogramm Brahmane 2.0, Calendar-Tool Krishna 1.1, Wörterbuch Shiva 7.3 and E-Mail-Tool Atman 3.1 moreover would we tappt im dunkeln of it in Kenntnis settle, that the concept Workflow not any more permitted is and by the concept Ganges supplant becomes.
with freundlichem greeting
your EDV-section |
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CB | Betreff : Microsoft and the follow ....
Unlängst with one renommierten EDV-manufacturers...
One customer calls at technical service on, because his computer defective is:
technician: which trouble exit because on?
customer: it comes smoke from the power adapter of my computers.
technician: then, faith I, must we none long diskutieren. tappt im dunkeln need one new power adapter.
customer: No, the faith I do not.
technician: still, still. there be I me sure.
customer: No!! I must only The Startdateien new konfigurieren.
technician: believe tappt im dunkeln me, the power adapter is broken and must supplant go.
customer: the can't his! someone has me said, I only The Startdateien Change must, so it again functions. and I of them would like is, that tappt im dunkeln me say, which command I into
CONFIG.SYS insert must.
(ten minutes säpter has the customer still not persuade let and is fully of it convincing, that it right has. The technician is frustriert and forsaking
technician: now Yes! Entschuldigen tappt im dunkeln Please, but usually say we our customers not, that it a undokumentierten DOS-commands gives, with the tappt im dunkeln the trouble solve can.
customer: I see, I known it still!!!
technician: tappt im dunkeln must only the command DEVICE=NOSMOKE.COM
ans end yours config.sys to put. give tappt im dunkeln me message, whether it functions.
(further ten minutes later)
customer: it not working. the power adapter smoking still.
technician: well Yes, which Version of DOS use tappt im dunkeln?
customer: MS-DOS 6.22
technician: this is very your trouble. These Version of DOS own yet no NOSMOKE.COM. tappt im dunkeln must with Microsoft phone and there to one Upgrade ask. give tappt im dunkeln me then Please message.
(an hour later)
customer: I need a new power adapter.
technician: How come tappt im dunkeln suddenly hereon?
customer: Well, I have with Microsoft phoned and them said, what tappt im dunkeln me said having. thereupon having tappt im dunkeln me to the make and others details the Netzteils demand.
technician: and what having tappt im dunkeln then said?
customer: you've me said, that my power adapter not compatible To NOSMOKE.COM is... |
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CB |
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| |  | Nich compatible to nosmoke.com lol - say I still - hätter itself time drdos draufgemacht The had the nosmokefeature already over The a20pipeline mitm himemsys realized
salvo, iF  |
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CB | Helpdesk: what fur a computer having tappt im dunkeln?
customer: a weißen...
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Helpdesk: clicking tappt im dunkeln time Please on my computer left on their screen.
customer: left with them or left by me?
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Hello, here speaks Claudia Hofhuber. I war my floppy disk not any more out..
Helpdesk: having tappt im dunkeln whom Auswurfknopf printed?
customer: Yes, clear. but it happens quite nothing.
Helpdesk: the sound not well. I schreibs time on...
customer: Ah, momentum short.... does me sorrow, grade seh I, that The floppy disk Yes yet on my desk lying. I Have tappt im dunkeln yet none mere.....
Sorry.
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Helpdesk: good day, how can I them help?
customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: clicking tappt im dunkeln please times on Start and...
customer: catch tappt im dunkeln now Please not this whole technical Schei? on. I am not Bill Gates!
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Message on the Voicemail: Hello here's Martina Jansen. I can't print. Jedesmal, if I a Druckbefehl losschicke, comes a Message printer No. the Gibts still none. The printer standing directly by me on the desk, I mean, I can it still see and the PC says, that it No is...
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customer: I can't in roter Font print...
Helpdesk: having tappt im dunkeln a Farbdrucker?
customer: I see! thanks.
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Helpdesk: and what see tappt im dunkeln on their screen?
customer: a small Teddy, whom me my friend as gift has
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Helpdesk: now pressing tappt im dunkeln F8.
customer: happens nothing...
Helpdesk: what having tappt im dunkeln now very done?
customer: I have achtmal The Button F printed and it happens mere quite nothing...
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customer: my keyboard not working More.
Helpdesk: are tappt im dunkeln sure, that they bagged is?
customer: No, because I do not behind whom computer come.
Helpdesk: take tappt im dunkeln your keyboard and weg tappt im dunkeln a couple steps of desk lane.
customer: Okay
Helpdesk: could tappt im dunkeln The keyboard bear?
customer: Yes
Helpdesk: that is, that The keyboard not bagged is. is Perhaps another others keyboard on their table?
customer: Yes, there lying another. I see! The functions too!
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Helpdesk: your Password sounds small a, large V and the number 7.
customer: seven - big or small?
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The customer comes not in that internet.
Helpdesk: are tappt im dunkeln sure, that tappt im dunkeln the right Password using?
customer: Yes naturally, I have still at Kollegen zugeschaut.
Helpdesk: would tappt im dunkeln me Please say, which Password tappt im dunkeln using?
customer: five stars.
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Helpdesk: which Antivirenprogramm using tappt im dunkeln?
customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: this is no Antivirenprogramm.
customer: naturally, excuse.... I meant internet Explorer.
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customer: I hope, you can me help. One friend has me a tollen Screen saver aufgespielt, but jedesmal, if I The mouse move, is it lane.
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Helpdesk: Microsoft, how can I them help?
Elder customer: I were now since four hours on tappt im dunkeln. How long lasts it as yet?
Helpdesk: Äh..? does me sorrow, but I understand not, How I them help can?
Elder customer: I have in Word something written and then on Help printed. the was to four hours! when go tappt im dunkeln me because finally help?
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Helpdesk: How can I them help?
customer: I write to that first time a E-Mail.
Helpdesk: Okay, and where come tappt im dunkeln not further?
customer: with the address of my friend. I find of course the a, but I white not, How I this Kringel there rum malen should! |
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CB | Hi,
bissel Nachschub, The Comics this time without Konnex to that PC..
Helpdesk: what having tappt im dunkeln because on screen stand?
customer: Nen Blumentopf - wieso?
Ciao, Christian |
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